Do you see me? by Oluwatumininu


Do you see me?

Do you think I am human, a child worthy of love?

Do you not see that I want to go outside and play with children my age?

Why then do you tell me to shut up and stay indoors?

Do you not see that I can not be kept in a box?

Do you see my worth? Am I nothing but a kitchen maid, waiting to be bought? 

Do you not see that I want to run away, as far as I can? 

Do you know I would give anything to never be next to you?

Do you see me?

Do you see how hard I am trying to be the best?

Do you put me on a pedestal because you expect much from me, or because you think I can never be good enough?

Do you see the tiny beads of sweat when you yell at me? Do you see me fighting tears? 

Do you see me fighting demons in my sleep and in real life? Do you see the fatigue in my eyes?

Do you see how restless I am in the house of your god? I remember you hit me once for running away from church. 

I never want to be there. Do you not see the apprehension on my face every Sunday morning?

Do you see me?

Do you see hatred in my eyes? A flaming anger I thought I had quenched, but you always seem to ignite.

Do you know I despise you?

Did you know I tried poisoning you once? Did you know how consuming my hate was?

You must have known, because you hated me too.

I never gave you the chance to use me. I stopped listening to you. I only ever wanted to hurt you as much as you hurt me.

Do you remember?

All the venomous words you spat at me? I do remember.

You called me a prostitute, and told me I was going to end up like my mother. Pregnant and unwanted. 

You said you had always seen it in me.

You told me I behaved like a fatherless child. You called me a bastard. 

Do you remember? You probably don’t.

You only spoke to inflict pain. You could never cause enough physical damage, so you stabbed me in the heart with your words.

Do you see me? 

Because I do not see you anymore. 

I choose to never forgive you. I choose to look you in the eye while you suffer.

I choose to watch you burn.

All I ever wanted was for you to see me.

And now you do, and my smile will be the last thing you see

Just before you die.

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Pencilmarks and Scribbles Magazine was founded in 2017 by Clara Jack to be a home for African writers, asking them to come as they are and giving them room for growth. The publication aims to give back to the Nigerian Literary scene for the things it has given us.