It is a shameful thing to say that you sound like the rhythmic beauty of an album by a problematic artiste I swear to stop listening to but I never do. I remain oblivious to what to do with you while constantly replaying every track to the 19th of February,
A reluctant night out to kiki that led to what I like to call our beautiful chaos,
You were just inches away from me and I could swear I felt a tugging gaze on my shirt,
While shamefully basking in it I found your eyes,
It felt almost perfect like my favorite R&B song of ‘21 with the title deserting us.
You came to me flashing a smile ready to steal me from myself,
Promising not a crumb left.
A few months down that road I will explain how it was always my plan to be taken away anyway,
Craving to lose myself in the arms of a forever-fleeting lover,
You looked like I imagined he would,
Face like the moon with the stars twinkling in your eyes,
Mocking in foresight my inability to reach them no matter how much I tried,
No matter how close you pulled me with your arm ’round my waist,
While mutually wishing this club was an empty room we could even be more bare,
This will forever be an endless cat and rat chase,
Two strangers dancing too fast, missing every beat and refusing to take the hint to breathe.
Is hope just the refusal of a certainty?
That if we closed our eyes really hard and said it out loud,
We might feel it and then believe it,
Only to eventually have it.
I will need you to remember what they say about horses,
While I wonder if you will sacrifice being called a beggar for me in a heartbeat.
(From “For The Love Of Men” The Chapbook)
