Trying to Find Me by Emmanuella Abasiekong


My love is no longer unconditional

You must pass the test to get a taste of

how it feels to be loved by me.

The midnight texts, calls or even the

appearance in poetry,

these are things I just can’t give freely.

I have been broken too many times to

even give you a piece of me.

So the little I have left,

I’m trying so hard to protect.

Please respect my space and give me peace

Because I can’t keep doing this.

Giving till I have nothing left in me.

Just like empty pottery

I’m resounding loudly,

everything I need screams back at me

Give me time let me rebuild to who I want to be,

And not give you scraps of my personality,

Or fake it so bad that you’ll see right through me.

I’m setting boundaries for myself

because I know I need help and its

something you can’t give me

In the meantime please don’t wait for me,

When all this is done you might not recognise me,

I might not be who you want me to be,

Your dreams might not be my reality

But at least I’ll be happy with the new me .

About the author


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Pencilmarks and Scribbles Magazine was founded in 2017 by Clara Jack to be a home for African writers, asking them to come as they are and giving them room for growth. The publication aims to give back to the Nigerian Literary scene for the things it has given us.